Posted on: April 17, 2023

Parent Refusing Care

Are you struggling with an aging parent who is refusing to get help in the home?  Are you feeling overwhelmed and frustrated?  You are not alone.  As our parents age, they may find it more difficult to manage their daily activities and maintain their independence. In some cases, they may require assistance with tasks like cooking, cleaning, or driving. However, not all aging parents are open to accepting help, and this can create a difficult situation for their adult children who want to ensure their parents’ safety and wellbeing.

If you find yourself in this situation, here are some tips on how to approach parenting your aging parents when they don’t want help:

  1. Be understanding and respectful

It’s important to remember that your aging parents may feel embarrassed or ashamed about needing help, and they may be resistant to accepting it. Try to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, and avoid making them feel like they are a burden or a problem.

  1. Listen to their concerns

Ask your parents what their concerns are about accepting help, and really listen to their answers. They may have fears about losing their independence or privacy, or they may feel like they are giving up control. By understanding their perspective, you can work together to find a solution that addresses their concerns.

  1. Focus on safety

If your parents are resistant to accepting help, it’s important to focus on safety. Talk to them about the risks of not getting the help they need, and explain how accepting assistance can help them stay healthy and independent for longer. Emphasize that you are not trying to take away their independence, but rather trying to support them in a way that allows them to continue living their lives on their own terms.

  1. Involve other family members

If your parents are not willing to listen to your concerns, consider involving other family members. Sometimes, hearing the same message from multiple people can help change their minds. It’s also possible that a sibling or another family member may have a different approach that is more effective.

  1. Get outside help

If your parents are still resistant to accepting help, you may need to consider getting outside help. We recommend you start with a home care management assessment.  By brining in an unbiased professional Care Manager to meet with your loved one to talk about the concerns and ways to help them remain safe.

  1. Be patient

Remember that change takes time, and your parents may need time to adjust to the idea of accepting help. Be patient, and continue to communicate your concerns and the benefits of getting assistance. Over time, your parents may come around and realize that accepting help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a way to stay independent and healthy.

In conclusion, parenting your aging parents when they don’t want help can be challenging, but it’s important to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and a focus on safety. By listening to their concerns, involving other family members, and getting outside help if necessary, you can help your parents maintain their independence and quality of life as they age.

For more reading on this topic read Helping Your Aging Parent. by William Grote